Thursday, March 10, 2011
Fact is, this is being written for the consumption of only two people. After writing this as an email, I re-read it and realized that many things I say might have an impact on others...or not.
Although it isn't meant for them.
Recently, there was a mini "intervention" held in my "best interest". I was assured that it was being done in love and concern for my well-being.
I was told it was time to re-evaluate the priorities in my life....that I should look at my life within the bigger frame and not from the strict paradigm established now.
It's been just over a year that I turned down a position at Google, and that upset some close to me. It was a good job, as jobs go for tech. It was a job that 20-somethings would consider their dream job. Great money, fantastic environment and a level of autonomy not often found in our world. And let's face it...getting a job offer like this after the age of 50 is by most accounts, a gift.
I think the problem my captors had wasn't only that I rejected the offer, but at the speed I did so.
It didn't take long for me to say no.
I didn't "fall into" The HeliOS Project. Doing what I do has been a slow, methodically-planned thing. And at the risk of sounding completely hokey, what I do isn't really a job...
It's a calling.
Not necessarily in a spiritual way, although I won't discount the possibility. Doing what I do is simply a matter of seeing something that needs to be done and noticing that no one else is doing it.
That's not a condemnation or criticism of anyone, it's simply an observation.
I've spent the majority of my life in service to my country and family. Many of us have done one or another...or like me, both. While it is gratifying, some of us find ourselves within our quiet moments, not really happy with what we are doing.
Maybe the job pays great but sucks on every other level. Maybe the pay sucks but there just aren't any other immediate options available at the time.
Or maybe some of us just made a wrong choice and are stuck in place.
However, there are those rare times...those golden occasions where everything is in sync. Within the deepest parts of you, it is understood that you are where you are supposed to be, doing the thing you are supposed to do.
The Inner Chime resounds within you....
and you just know.
So to the two people that love me and are concerned for my well-being, let this be said. I will always find a roof over my head. I will always do my best to care for myself and those that count on me. And no, I won't ever again own a 3500 square foot home or a new car. I will never again earn a six figure income. The truth is, I don't earn a dime doing what I do, but someday I plan to draw a small salary when it's possible.
I'll struggle with the simple things like insurance and vehicle repairs...just like you.
But you know what? If that's the best I ever do, that's good enough.
This is something I feel I need to do, and that feeling is so strong within me that I've made my choices. I choose to do what I do until I can no longer physically do it.
I don't hear the swirling winds of unsure decisions or circumstance. I have no nagging feeling, prompting me to "examine my priorities."
I have a goal, a job to do and good, decent people helping me to do it....
and at my center is calm.
May I suggest that you search for the same. On the day you take your last breath, that big house and expensive car won't mean a thing.
Those you touch will.
This is where I am, this is where I will stay, and I need to be here.
If the best you can do is simply accept this, then there's nothing left to be said.
blather and mumbling provided by Ken Starks at 8:51 AM