Monday, February 08, 2010
Now when you are young, it's an adventure. One has relatively little "baggage", the emotional scars are few and the dating world is your oyster...so to speak.
And you haven't even begun to think about their therapeutic value yet.
But then you find yourself at midlife, choosing from a large pool of potential crisis'. There are so many to choose from.
Maybe there is a divorce or two under your belt, some strong political or religious beliefs that are deeply ingrained, and oh yeah, there's that messy incident with the hacking conviction...
Those tend to narrow down the potential list of candidates for life-long bliss.
Throw your use/obsession of Linux into the mix and what do you get?
More than likely a room at your mom's house and a NASA-level computer bank in her basement. The neck beard and questionable hygiene habits don't help matters any either.
You come to realize that there is more to life than bash scripts and LAN parties with other Linux Geeks. Well, at least for some of us. So you decide to put yourself back on the dating market. Where do you start? I think we can all rule out LUG meetings, Linux Foundation events and the laundry mat. The ratio for men to women at these locations is bleak.
Let's say, just for argument, that you miraculously run into someone that bothers to look at you twice....I mean without pity or fear and the strong urge to call 911. How does a Linux Geek approach someone?
"Hi, wanna see my raid array"?
"Did you know that almost half of Cray supercomputers run Linux"?
"So...your home directory or mine?"
You realize, returning to your mom's basement, that these lines didn't provide optimum results. Combing the internet for dating tips, and possibly your hair, you decide that just maybe the passion of your life isn't congruent with finding someone that will touch you,
I mean aside from accidentally.
Let's further assume that you are able to cast off or conceal your geekness, get a haircut, trim your beard and join the rest of society.
Yeah, I know it's a stretch but work with me here...
You actually find yourself on a third date and she hints that she wants to develop a "relationship".
You probably haven't been able to completely hide the fact that you are good with computers. Some things bubble to the surface regardless of how hard you try to keep them secret. She's running Windows Vista on her home computer and she is complaining that her computer is running slow and that she keeps getting these annoying popups. She wants you to come over and fix her computer.
You know better than anyone that the last time you were alone with a female in her home, it was that disastrous misunderstanding with your cousin's best friend. That whole "I'm-sorry...I-was-just-trying to-get-the-cap-of-my-thumb-drive-that-popped-off-and-landed-in-your-lap" thing didn't work out so well for you. At least she slapped you...
Sure, that counts as female contact...kinda.
So there you are, just you and her...alone in her apartment and sitting in front of her computer. You can smell her perfume (it's actually just soap but it smells wonderful to you just the same). You can't help but notice her long hair and how it flows across her shoulder. You focus again on the screen in front of you...clicking on the start menu. You know it's going to take three minutes just to open the dialog box. After all, this is Windows.
This is your chance.
"You know, if you didn't use Windows, you wouldn't have these problems".
Here it comes but you are used to it by now...the blank stare...the look that communicates:
You go on to explain that there are different operating systems for a computer...that Windows is only one option. She bites her lower lip in contemplation then smiles and nods enthusiastically.
"Oh no, I have an operating system. It's called Facebook."
You patiently explain that Facebook is just a web-based interface that allows her to share some of her life with her friends and that the operating system is simply a means she uses to interact with her computer.
She seems a bit exasperated. "I have that already." she says. "It's called Internet Explorer...I use it all the time."
You take a deep breath and reach for your laptop. In the case, you have a live cd and you tell her that you want to show her what Linux is. You go on to explain that Linux is free and that she can use it without any real worry about viruses.
"Hey, I don't want you putting things on my computer just yet....I mean, I don't even know you very well. Those popups say that I have a virus and all they want to do is help me take it off. All I have to do is click the button and they will take care of it for me. I just met you. I don't know what kind of stuff you are going to put on there...you might put spyware on there or something."
"I think you better leave now".
The last word she says to you rings in your ears:
Back in the basement, you slam down another Red Bull and contemplate the whole dating thing.
"That's IT" you mentally exclaim. "Facebook! I'll meet someone on Facebook".
Maybe she'll even post a picture less than 5 years old.
Maybe you will...
And for this you even shaved.
blather and mumbling provided by Ken Starks at 2:06 PM